I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
