bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't deserve a penis
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
