He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
