Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
