the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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