I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
