Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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