Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
