swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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