"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
