dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
