Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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