thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
