Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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