I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
