Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
