And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
