Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
