kristin has been a bad kristin
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
