he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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