just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's always time for handjobs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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