fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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