I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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