A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
