she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
