I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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