just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
