You can't motorboat a personality
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
