drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
