Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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