Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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