Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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