im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
