We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
