Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
