so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
