Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
