i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
