yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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