he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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