How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
