the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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