Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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