There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
