i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
