How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
