We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
