I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
