Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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