you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
