There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
