your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
