Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone signed my nipple.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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