They should really pass out barf bags in church
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
