Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
