Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
