i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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