So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
