we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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