He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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